Today is my younger brother’s nineteenth birthday. This is very strange, since I still remember when he was small enough to wrap up in baby doll blankets. Oh, well! Here’s a photo he may or may not be embarrassed of, plus his funny quotes from the past year.
When our older sister was opening birthday gifts last year: “Apparently, I don’t need melatonin to fall asleep. I just need her to talk about stamps.”
“I read Paradise Lost and Phoebe and Her Unicorn on the same trip to Michigan.”
“I’m not a worrier, I’m a concerner. I make other people worry about me.”
“I had a terrible dream last night. I dreamed that I forgot that it was Tuesday and forgot to watch the election returns!”
Debriefing after answering the doorbell: “I was expecting a small package, not a small girl.”
“No one hates Star Wars more than Star Wars fans. And no one hates Star Wars fans as much as other Star Wars fans.”
“I’ve never been anxious about surgeries. I assume that the doctors know what they’re doing, and if they don’t, I won’t know until I wake up. If I wake up!”
“It’s really kind of a sad commentary on my life that I spend Valentine’s Day typing up information from my RPG books into a spreadsheet.”
How he felt during an awkward experience: “I don’t want the misery put in perspective. I want to escape!”
About a 1980s Ewoks show he watched on Disney Plus: “It just goes to show how much
worse entertainment has gotten over the past twenty years. Thirty years. Forty years.”
“My mind is less file cabinets and more piles of junk that are hard to dig through.”
“That’s not entirely true about my mind. I have a very well-organized Star Wars section.”
“My mind is so chaotic that I am clinging to Star Wars as the only thing I have left.”
“Mom was like ‘You weren’t even alive in the 40s!’ And I was like ‘Yeah, well I miss ‘em all the same.’”
“Even their ads were better back then! I was itching to buy all those new kitchen appliances I saw in that old TIME magazine, and they’re all several decades out of date! Nowadays it’s just an epilepsy-inducing psychedelic animation of whatever product with an annoying pop song in the background.”
Trying to decide when he wished that he was born: “If I say 18 circa ‘48, then I have ‘I didn’t get to go fight’ guilt. But if I place myself any earlier, I might not live to see Star Wars. Choices, choices...”
“Is it just me, or does it seem like it’s practically impossible to buy something at Kohl’s that’s less than 30% off?”
“Newscasters are not renowned mathematicians.”
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