Hannah is a family friend who has been part of my entire life. She and my older sister originally met in the local grocery store, and bonded so greatly while sitting in their respective shopping carts that our moms decided to get them together for a play date. Hannah and her family have now been friends with us for over a quarter of a century, and she was able to come visit us this past March. It was a delightful time. The following post shares some of her funny quotes, both from that visit and from her past year of activity on Twitter.
While Hannah was here, she agreed to pose for a Fashion Model Photoshoot with my stuffed horse, Teefty. A series of these photos appeared on Teefty’s Instagram, which has about five followers, and I hope that Hannah will not murder me for sharing one of these photos with a broader audience.
“How to get ostracized at the gym in 2020: Drink ONE sip of water the wrong way and cough uncontrollably as you flee for the locker room.”
“Happy Tuesday. I accidentally signed up for e-Harmony. I swear to goodness it was the most ACTUAL accident in the entire history of accident-ing. But yeah, that happened.”
“Perks of Virginia winter over Indiana winter: VA actually gets snow days. IN wouldn't know what a snow day was if the White Witch, Elsa, and the Abominable Snowman all showed up at once and unleashed the full force of their powers.”
“Hold on, guys, this is going to be earth-shattering. The rules say that each unicorn counts as only one unicorn unless otherwise stated!”
“No, it’s okay. It’s just a game. I’ll go cry about it later.”
Looking
through craft supplies: “I am feeling nostalgic and mildly weepy about seed
beads… This was my childhood!”
Searching online for the book The Perilous Gard: “At some point, I can comparison shop until I drop.”
“Now it comes up with A Perilous Passion! No. That is not the one I want.”
“I went to the American Girl Store when I was in Chicago with friends. I was like, ‘Guys, look, I know I’m in my mid-twenties… But this was my childhood, and I need to go in!’”
Admiring houses: “The way I determine the level of pretty is how much pain it causes me internally.”
“I have my phone! I am always prepared to call 911!”
To Lydia: “When you were little, you really liked your pigs, and you introduced me to every one of them. […] No need to apologize! I enjoyed meeting all your pigs!”
“No one is going to be like, ‘I’m gonna go chat with my friends on Microsoft TEAMS!’”
“The dental hygienist asked me if I was married with children, and I’m not sure if she based that question on my apparent age or the fact that I was wearing bermuda shorts.”
“No one talks about how half of adult life is deciding if the produce you bought a week ago is still good or if you're going to contract E.coli and die. The other half is eating the produce and spending your evening stressing that these are your last few precious hours on earth.”
“Normalize cleaning your mirror before taking mirror selfies. (Actually, maybe
let’s just normalize not taking mirror selfies anymore.)”
“If you want a prime exhibition of emotional & mental unhealth that will keep you entertained for hours, I HIGHLY recommend Facebook Dating. You probably won’t find the love of your life, but you’ll definitely love your life more knowing no one from that dating inferno is in it.”
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