Yesterday, I shared some thoughts about guys and chivalry, and now I would like to address the girls. Before I say anything, however, I want to acknowledge that I have made some of these mistakes- I am not trying to elevate myself above everyone else as I share my thoughts, but recognize where I fall short as well. I am not taking these ideas from any one girl with whom I have discussed this issue, and have no one particular in mind, so I do not want my friends to start wondering if I got the idea from their speech or behavior. I am dealing with general ideas, not direct personal issues of people I know.
Many blog posts deal with the concept of girls resenting chivalrous action, but given the audience to which I am writing, I want to address a different issue. Most of the girls I know value courtesy from a guy, but often they fall into the mistake of feeling that they are entitled to it. Although it is true that a guy should be chivalrous towards a lady, you do not have the right to be offended when someone fails to go the second mile. Anything more than nothing is grace to you, and instead of feeling righteous indignation when a guy lets the door shut in your face, you should simply use that as an opportunity to recognize how special it is when someone else goes out of his way to help you on another occasion.
No matter how hard you look in the Bible, you will never find a command that all men must go out of their way to hold doors for ladies. You will, however, find numerous "one another" commandments urging both men and women to lay down their desires for the benefit of each other. We are supposed to be selfless, but we are all supposed to be selfless. Instead of holding men up to an impossible standard that only Christ can fulfill, we should be thankful for courtesy when it comes our way and spend the rest of our time trying to be the woman God wants us to be.
Also, consider the dichotomy between what girls think guys should be like, and what standard girls hold for themselves. If a guy is self-absorbed, you naturally think less of him, and yet you feel justified in dressing however you want. You cannot expect a guy to go out of his way to be selfless, yet be affronted at the idea that you should live differently in order to help someone else. Although my argument here is not fundamentally about modesty, if you want to hold a guy to a high standard, you need to consider what you need to do to be a lady. It is unreasonable to expect guys to act in a certain way to be polite, yet not to take responsibility for your own actions, as if the burden were on him to make life easy for you.
You are not a princess to be served. Guys were not put here on the earth to defer to you and make you happy, so as you look ahead to potential romance and deal with platonic interactions as present, view things through a lens of partnership. No guy is going to serve you perfectly, but instead, you are supposed to work together for a common good. When you grasp that courtesy is not your due, you realize that every bit of it as a blessing, and you end up placing greater value in the kindness that comes your way. You will never meet a guy who loves you perfectly and does whatever you want, but by the grace of God, there are those who are fighting to do the right thing. Stop dreaming of Prince Charming, because it will not happen that way, and it is not supposed to.
Ultimately, there is nothing that you can do to change the way that a guy acts. You can encourage your brothers in Christ, and you can thank them when they express chivalry, but you are powerless to change hearts and habits. Instead of complaining about how so few guys nowadays are chivalrous, try to expend that energy in seeking to be Christlike yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment