Today is Mom’s birthday. As usual, I am pleased to share some of her funny quotes from the past year, and I dug up a cute old photo of her and Dad from before my siblings and I were born.
The alternative, after all, was leading with a photo of her wearing her strangest face mask. One of her quotes refers to it, so I wanted to share the backstory here. During lockdown, one of our former neighbors wanted to make masks for us while she was stuck at home, and Mom bought fabric and elastic for her to use. Mom also took over some strange fabric that has been in our craft box for as long as I can remember, so that our neighbor could practice on something that didn’t matter before using the “real” fabric.
Our neighbor ended up making a complete mask with this mock-up fabric, since the orange and yellow go well with Mom’s coloring. We were all very entertained, and Mom has worn that mask on a regular basis. I took photos today to illustrate the quote that comes up later.
“I used to have all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, but then they broke, and Humpty Dumpty is the only one left.”
“Amazon is reminding me that I can buy Daddy Calls Me Doodlebug for $590.98!”
“No! An actual ghost! In the Christmas special! She was some lady who had lived there before, and then her ghost turned up, and wherever she went, her influence would spread conflict and discord. I was completely unprepared for this, and I started getting the heebie jeebies. It was like when I read Nancy Drew when I was a little girl. Then, [Your Older Sister] started going upstairs! She had been down here, getting her food, but then I turned around and she was gone! I called, ‘[Name]! Come back here! I need someone with me!’” Then she said, ‘Jesus is always with you, Mommy.’”
“We broke down in that parking lot more than once!”
“I might want to keep wearing masks even after they aren’t necessary anymore, because they keep my face warm in the winter!”
“Is he married, or is he someone you need to be in contact with?”
“Getting stocking stuffers is going really well this year! I actually looked at [Your Older Sister’s] wish list before Christmas Eve!”
“I need to show you a text thread from Aunt Betty. Grandmama’s car exploded.”
“Her brother-in-law got mad and left the party, because he’d been peeling chickens off the ceiling all night.”
“I watched Love Boat. I’d be babysitting, and I’d be like, ‘Get those kids in bed… Okay! It’s time for Love Boat.’ HAHAHAHA! It was so bad!”
“She’s ranted about it two hundred times, so she assumed that you knew.”
Trying to see emojis in Lydia’s chat transcript: “Wait! Let me put my glasses on so I can see the froggos!”
“Do you like my mask? I get compliments on it from the weirdos at Whole Foods.”
“I’m not together. I feel discombobulated. I need to be combobulated!”
“So, I watched some of the TikTok videos. And I am absolutely ASTOUNDED by how completely inane TikTok is!”
“I don’t want a pandemic, but I really enjoyed shutdown, and am ready for it to happen again.”
“During the first quarter, I had to go to physical therapy appointments, and my car got rear-ended, and that was stressful. Then the pandemic happened, and everything shut down, and we got to stay home and get stuff done at home! And I got to cancel all of my physical therapy appointments!”
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