Happy Birthday, Levi! [2]

     Today, my friend Levi turns twenty. I've already done one post for him before, and here are all the new quotes that I've collected over the past year. The first half or so came from his surprise welcome-home party in June, when he got back from a missions trip.

      "I didn't suspect a thing. Now, I wonder how I missed it! How did I not think anything of the bag of red cups on the counter?"

      "America is the coolest country ever. You can eat off any surface, and there’s constant water pressure in the sink. You just turn it on, and BAM! Water. It’s amazing. And you can go to the bathroom for free!"

"Yeah, I had to pay a quarter to go to the bathroom in a public restroom. It’s so nice to be back in America, where I can go to the bathroom whenever I want… All for FREE!"

On returning to an English-speaking country: "Before if we were walking down the road and saw somebody who was dressed funny or doing something weird, I could say to my friends, ‘wow, that guy looks really weird!’ They’d laugh, and we’d move on. Now, if I did something like that, people would understand me! I have to watch what I say, and hold my tongue, because people will know if I’m saying they’re weird!"

"It’s so easy to grow bananas… You just put them in the ground, and you can crank ‘em out like crazy!"

"They played polo with yaks, but then they had to stop, because the yaks would get overheated and pass out on the field."

"Even though the kids don’t know what you're saying, you can still play soccer with them, and they can laugh at you and make jokes to their friends about how funny you look."

After explaining what the roads were like in Panama: "What I want to know is how anybody ever gets hit by a car in America. It’s weird for me to go anywhere now, because where’s all the traffic? How does anyone ever get hit?"

"I saw this one cow, and it was the most attractive cow I had ever seen."

"See, if anyone from here saw the hotel, they would be like, this sucks. But since I had been sleeping on little mats on the floor, it was awesome. It even had DOORS! Doors are so cool… you can shut them, and then you have privacy! And some of them even have locks! It’s the coolest thing."

"I spent a lot of time thinking about whether or not this was from God. I knew it couldn’t be from Satan, because he wouldn’t tell me to go serve God anywhere, and I also knew it couldn’t be from me, because I don’t know anything about Siberia!"

"That’s really a trick question, because if you’re teachable, nothing is the worst experience."

"Then, as we all lay curled up on the ground, dying, we’d call after the car and be like, ‘Well done, Sir!’ And we would die impressed."

"There’s a water fountain? Praise the Lord. My throat feels like the Sahara."

"Whatever happened to Dr. Phil? No one knows. It’s one of those weird things where you always wonder what happened to the person, because one day they were a celebrity, and then they disappeared."

"The whole idea of Dr. Phil is weird! When I was little, I never understood what was going on. Just think about it from a child’s perspective! This guy has a TV show where he sits on a leather couch and has different people come to visit him. They sit on another couch, and he listen to them yell at each other. Then he just tells them to be nice! It makes no sense, especially from a child’s perspective. Just think about it!"

"You can always run by somebody’s clothesline and take their underwear…"

"What if you were a fictional character and someone broke the news that you weren't real? I think I'd have some self-worth issues after that."

"Minivans owned by homeschoolers could break down at any moment. The only thing that sustains them is the grace of God."

"I really don’t care, so if I’m watching a game, I see which team has the coolest mascot, and then cheer that team on."

"I moved here from Washington. Any time of year was the summer!"

"It was so weird… My third-grade teacher had a really thick Southern accent, and I didn’t even know what she was saying! It was like a foreign language, and it was SO STRESSFUL!"

"They worshiped so loudly that they literally broke the foundation of the building where they met!"

      "Look at you, Josh, sowing seeds of discord!"

      "Yeah…. Once you hit forty, all you have to look forward to is DEATH."
      
      Good thing he's only halfway there, right?