My Superpower

One of the greatest things about becoming a teenager was that people started taking my awesome memory seriously. When I was seven, I didn't have much life to remember, so even when I insisted to my children's church friends over paper cups of Goldfish crackers that I had a terrific memory and could recall details from when I was two years old, they weren't very impressed. But once I was in middle school and could tell someone a detailed memory from when we were in kindergarten, suddenly things were different, and I started constantly hearing, "Wow! You have such a great memory!"

When I was younger, I had limited control of my memory. I could tell you in detail about an event from church that happened three years prior, but would struggle to recall what I just learned in school, would find myself unable to remember some family story my mom was telling, and would not recall what Mom had asked me to do five minutes before. When I was recalling an event, I would have specific odd memories that were largely irrelevant and mainly just good for comedic value, but now I have exercised my "superpower" more and learned how to remember larger narratives and whole conversations and events instead of just the crazy Christmas sweater some adult was wearing. One other contributing factor is my prolific journaling: it records all kinds of obscure details that I might otherwise forget, ingraining them deeper in my subconscious and providing refreshers every time I'm unsure about a detail. 

Because my memory had serious flaws when I was younger, I never fully realized how remarkable it was. This greatly contributed to my social anxiety and torment over stupid things I had said and done; since I remembered so much of what other people did, it never occurred to me that nobody would care about or remember some awkward thing I had done seven years prior or even three months ago. But eventually, I came to realize that my memory was truly exceptional, and this was such a relief. Still, even though I now have the consolation of realizing that my Sunday school classmates can't remember how I bumbled through a prayer in fifth grade, I still have to deal with various drawbacks to my peculiar ability. I was thinking about this several minutes ago and decided that it would make an amusing blog post.

I do not want to be overly negative, but since I spend the vast majority of the time freaking out over how much I love my terrific memory and how splendid it is that I can pull some obscure detail out of my brain, this is uncharacteristic and therefore seems justified.

Pro: I can regale people with detailed stories of things that happened years ago, entertaining my friends with memories of fun things we did together and witty remarks they have made.

Con: They have to deal with the fact that I can also remember embarrassing things they want to forget, or even have forgotten.

Pro: When somebody needs to remember what date something happened, what we did at some special event, who gave a particular Christmas gift to a sibling, and other things like that, there's a good chance I can come to the rescue, and if it happened recently enough, my journals serve as back-up in case I'm uncertain.

Con: Other people get agitated when I fail them and don't have the faintest idea about some obscure detail that never seemed important at the time it was happening.

Pro: I have extraordinary memories of pleasant experiences, and can shape memories of good times into whole detailed narratives, playing them over in my mind and enjoying the recollections even more.

Con: Agonizing memories are also seared into my memory.

Pro: At the end of a year, I can think back through each individual month and list the significant events that happened then, creating a framework for all the year's highlights, struggles, and journeys.

Con: I actually still recall every significant conflict and grievance that happened in the entire calendar year.

Pro: I can easily remember things I have read, and if a book is good enough to really catch my attention, my reading retention can be impressive.

Con: If I come across something inappropriate or in any way harmful, I'm probably stuck with the memory for the rest of my life.

Pro: Because I remember special dates, I get an extra dose of random happiness on every March 21st, 22nd, and 26th, along with a host of other special days I've gained appreciation for through the past decade.

Con: I remember negative dates as well. I fear that February first and second will always inspire Sadness and Rage deep within my soul.

Pro: Whenever I do forget something, I have my journal as back-up.

Con: On the rare occasion when I actually manage to forget about something unpleasant, I stumble across it by accident in my journal and have to relive the whole thing.

Pro: I remember so many of my thoughts and attitudes from very early childhood that I have rare insight into childhood psychology.

Con: I still remember how gross my Noah board book tasted when I was two and took a bite out of it. I was pulling tiny cardboard fibers off my tongue for the rest of my playtime.

Pro: I'll never forget it if you're nice to me. Years later, I can give you detailed stories about some kind deed you can't even imagine remembering.

Con: Forgiving is hard, because I can't forget anything anybody has ever done to me. In fact, I still hyperventilate over ways my sister mistreated me when we were little, including how she got livid with me for insisting that I wanted to use a plastic bread slice as pretend soap in our play kitchen sink.

Pro: I can remember my past in detail and can recreate in my mind a fairly accurate narrative of my life journeys.

Con: I don't have the luxury of whitewashing my own stupidity and have to remember in excruciating detail just how sinful, petty, weird, and... just generally alarming... I have been in the past.

Pro: I get weird associations with clothing and have fantastic memories attached to most of my shirts, remembering the fun events I wore them to and experiences I had.

Con: I get weird associations with clothing and can never, ever wear my 2009 church camp t-shirt without thinking about February 2, 2013.

Pro: When family members disagree on when and how something happened, they often expect me to arbitrate. and it's kind of fun. And when I personally am in such an argument, it is rare that I cannot run upstairs and pull a journal off the shelf to prove myself right.

Con: None. There is never any drawback to the exhilaration of being right.