Happy Birthday, Dad!

With each of my other birthday tributes, I have explained at the beginning how I first met the subject, but in this case, I doubt that will be necessary. I will inform you, however, that when I was twelve and just starting my quote collection, Dad was one of my inspirations for witty humor. Although his funniest sayings are often retorts which cannot stand alone from context, I have others that are actually more amusing unexplained, and overall have a number of good quotes to share.

Oh, and before I get into this, I would like to note that the second remark was directed to my older sister, not me. The movie in question was the extended edition of "The Fellowship of the Ring", and I was similarly annoyed with her.

“Someday, I’ll have to invest a quarter of a million dollars to replace the roof. I’m not looking forward to that opportunity.”

“I’m glad you’ve memorized every line in this movie, but please don’t recite them right now. It’s very distracting.”

When helping my then-toddler sister: “Count your blessings, name them one by one... Now your little face is washed, is that not fun?”

"It was not an original thought, but it was an original dramatization."

“Intending to is nice, but one of these days, you’re just going to have to do it.”

When instructing my sister about videotaping the children’s musical at our church: “Pan over the choir, just for posterity’s sake, in case one of these kids is the president one day.”

“Using big words is not of any value unless you know how to pronounce them.”

“That is the slowest gas pump known to mankind!”

"So, is there anything God-honoring about mangoes?"

“When you live longer, you’ll have more to be sad about.”

“I hope you like this road, because we’re going to be on it for another two hundred twenty-nine miles.”

“You went from being cute, but in a weird way, to being weird, but in a cute way... So things have changed.”

“Splitting frogs… splitting hairs… splitting gophers… It’s all the same thing.”

Although I put the other quotes in chronlogical order, I had to save this one until the end, since it is relevant to his birthday: “Well, they say you’re only as old as you feel! ...And I feel about a hundred.”