In the past several years, I have read
approximately one zillion articles about feminine insecurities, our culture's
damaging emphasis on having a perfect body, and the ultimate importance of
inner beauty. Because this is such a huge issue, countless writers have tackled
the subject, casting light on every facet. I have always felt deeply about
this, but since other writers have already addressed the theoretical issues,
I have not felt qualified to add anything to the mass of insight. The way
I saw it, the only thing worth adding would be a personal story, and since I
was blessed to grow up without major issues in this area, I have nothing
helpful to share, and therefore should avoid the subject.
A few months ago, I realized that I really
do have something valid to contribute. Because I have not spent years of my
life wanting to be beautiful, I have had time to think about the issue from a
very different perspective, and can encourage people like you in a different
way. When I was younger, I thought that when girls complained about the way
they looked, they were just fishing for compliments, but as I got older, I
began to understand that my peers spent their lives analyzing and
hating what they saw in the mirror. After the brief experience I had with
this at my own awkward age, I began to understand that the people who did this
were genuinely unhappy with how they looked. Once I got a glimpse of the bigger
picture, instead of thinking that you just wanted other people to praise you, I
realized that you were blind to the beauty everyone else saw in you.
This unsettled me, and as I have grown
older, I have only found the issue more troubling. We can rail against the
media all we like for presenting false, airbrushed images of women whose job is
to keep themselves beautiful, we can teach little girls that inner beauty is
most valuable, and we can try to convince insecure teenagers that everyone else
thinks they are lovely, but ultimately there is nothing that we can do to fix
the problem. Words, no matter how well-phrased, cannot in and of themselves
convince any girl that she is beautiful, and many of our attempts to encourage
someone like you only make matters worse. I cannot count the number of people I have heard say that platitudes like "God thinks you're beautiful"
only heightened their misery. These disclaimers about inner beauty
came across not as truths to embrace, but as band-aids to cover up and ignore
the problem. When you wail about your weight, your face, or your hair, it does
not help for us to dismiss your constant struggle as something that does not
even matter.
There is nothing I can say to
fundamentally change the way you see yourself, but I wish that you could
understand that what you do see in the mirror, or even in a photograph, is not
the same image that we who interact with you perceive. When you stand
critically in front of the mirror, your reflection may not be
strikingly attractive, but it is not when you stand in front of a looking glass
that you are at your best. It is when you are living life, with your eyes
shining and a smile on your face, that you are at your loveliest, and it is
then that you are least likely to look in a mirror and see how beautiful you
are.
When you look in the mirror, you are
analyzing your reflection to look for the things which are wrong, but when you
are with other people, they see you as a whole person, not isolated flaws. If I
meet someone for the first time, I will walk away remembering their bright blue
eyes and eager smile, not their imperfect teeth or complexion. You see what is
wrong with yourself, but everyone else notices and remembers what is most
beautiful. No one else holds you to the impossible standard you set for
yourself, and that is why we exclaim with incredulous tones whenever you start
talking about how ugly you are. You are not ugly. You are a human being, and
therefore you are imperfect, but so is everyone else. No one expects you to
look like Miss America, and even if you truly are somewhat less attractive than
the average girl, I can guarantee you that there is still something about you
which strikes others as pretty.
Most importantly, no matter how you look
on the outside, it is your heart which determines how people perceive you.
Please do not groan and dismiss this, saying that it is another inner beauty
platitude, because it is not. Inner beauty is only half the truth. People say
that what is inside is what counts, but the whole truth is that the overflow of
your heart dictates the way that people perceive your appearance. I am not
writing this post to convince you that your physical appearance does not
matter, but to challenge you to contemplate how your inner self transforms it.
Countless times, I have met someone and
thought they looked fairly ordinary, then gotten to know them and found them
strikingly beautiful. Their appearance never changed, but as I got to know
them, I recreated my view of them through the lens of their wonderful essence.
Their smile, their laugh, and everything about them became lovely to me, not because
they were the most beautiful person in the room, but because I loved
them.
On the other hands, I have met people who
I thought were really pretty, only to swiftly change my opinion as I got to
know them better. Once I saw how petty, selfish, and stuck up they were, the
beauty began to fade, replaced by a sort of picture-perfect falseness. The girl
did not cease to be beautiful, but her behavior changed the way I saw her.
Instead of seeing beautiful eyes, I saw eyes that were quick to point out someone
else's faults. I no longer saw a dazzling smile, but lips quick to twist into a
nasty smirk, quick to whisper back-stabbing comments. When other girls would
talk about how jealous they were of this beautiful girl, I wished that they
could understand what I saw.
The false, snobbish girl might be
naturally beautiful, but she squandered that gift through her unkind behavior.
The other girl, who despaired over her own appearance, was far more beautiful
in my eyes, because her kindness and sweet spirit transformed what she thought
of as unremarkable features, making them captivating.
Ultimately, no matter how you look, and no
matter what your confidence level is, you have a choice: will I be beautiful
today to the people around me? Enhancing your appearance through nice clothes,
make-up, and accessories is fine if you're into that sort of thing, but in a
week's time, people will not remember your fashionable clothes.
Your smile, your compassion, and your friendly behavior is what shall
come to mind when they think of you.
There is nothing wrong with trying to look
your best, but your behavior is what makes the greatest impact in how people
perceive you. You were born with your genetic features, but you have the choice
every day whether or not you will treat others in such a way that everything
about you becomes lovely to them.
Please make an effort to understand how
other people see you. When you complain about your appearance, and others try
to reassure you, they cannot articulate their feelings perfectly, but they want
you to know that they see beauty in you. When someone sincerely tells you that
you are pretty, do not let your insecurities get in the way of appreciating
that. You may not see great beauty in yourself, but other people do, so instead
of dismissing their compliments and believing that they are just saying these
things to be nice, consider that perhaps they are able to see something you do
not.
What I desperately want you to understand
is that people who are worth knowing do not love you because you are beautiful,
but are instead struck by your beauty because they love you. Your face is a
window to your soul, and what is good and beautiful in you comes out clearly
through your appearance. My challenge to you today is that instead of fretting
over your own flaws, you would try to cultivate the kind of beautiful soul
which makes even the most ordinary face radiant.
No comments:
Post a Comment